Fishing Programs - 9/7/09

Most television advertisements feature a disclaimer in fine print at the bottom of the screen, repudiating nearly every claim made by the product manufacturer. Miracle dietary products state “results depend on a healthy diet and exercise.” Well, if you eat healthy and exercise you don’t need the freaking product. Another common one is “results not typical.” What, I can't lose 50 pounds in 30 days without an amputation?

I was watching a fishing program on one of the many ESPN channels. The fact that I was, in fact, watching a fishing program pretty much illustrates where my life is at. I wasn’t really tuned in to watch fishing but was waiting for the rerun of the 2007 National Heads-up Poker World Celebrity Championship Texas Hold-em Las Vegas Showdown Tournament. Still not sure why Poker is considered a sport on television but so is bowling, so I am on board.

These fishing programs would lead you to believe that these guys catch a fish every cast, making the rest of the fishing world that often haplessly fish all day without so much as a nibble, feel like total assholes. What they don’t tell you is that they had filmed countless hours of uneventful fishless boredom to get thirty minutes of action. If you pay attention you may notice beard growth, a change of clothing, a change of cast, a change of location, and a change of seasons during this thirty minute episode. They also don’t show the scuba divers attaching fish to the lines in desperation as the director shouts, “we are losing light!”

I propose that fishing programs be required to add a disclaimer, “individual results may vary.”

I would also request that the poker programs include a proviso: “when playing actual poker, participants do not get to see the other players hands.”