Sunday Scribblings - "Curve" Writer's Island - "Extravaganza" 6/1/08

The initial response I get when I tell people I am originally from Idaho is invariably “oh, potatoes.” (That is if I am speaking to someone geographically savvy enough not to confuse Idaho with Iowa and start discussing corn) I guess identifying with potatoes is better than the other things Idaho is infamous for, Aryan Nations, the Ruby Ridge massacre, and a Senator Larry Craig's men's room reacharound. I will pause for a moment while the unfamiliar google these entries. Idaho is perhaps the most joked about state north of the Mason Dixon Line (I hope you don’t have to google that line of demarcation). Here are a few of my favorite Idaho jokes, though old:

This is the reining Miss Idaho
Why do most college football fields in Idaho use Astroturf? To keep the cheerleaders from grazing
What do you call a beautiful woman in Idaho? A tourist
Idaho is the only state with two capitals: Spokane and Salt Lake City. This is funny because neither is actually in Idaho but Spokane is the center of commerce for the northern part of the state and Salt Lake City is the location of the Mormon Church headquarters, which governs southern Idaho. That is a really funny joke if you can find Idaho on the map.

Anyway, you get the idea that Idaho is not the cultural center of the Universe. Well, that is not what my blog is about. The Sunday Scribblings prompt this week is “curve” and the Writer's Island prompt is "extravaganza". This is what I came up with:

Idaho is that weird shaped state that resembles an intoxicated person attempting the letter “L”. The north and south have very little in common, not even a time zone. I think it is important at this time to say that I am from northern Idaho. Potatoes do not grow in northern Idaho. It is all mountains and rivers and lakes and beauty, while the south is, well……potatoes. Northern Idaho is called the "panhandle". That is not because we hit up Washington and Montana for loose change, it is because of its narrowness.


It is nearly 500 miles from a very defendable border 50 mile border with Canada to the desolation that is Nevada and Utah. But you can't get there from here. Amazingly, due to terrain, there is only one highway that links the north and south without venturing deeply into Montana. It is US Highway 95. I did not say Interstate. No way. It is a mostly 2-lane highway that we motorists share with wildlife and stray domestic animals. Or at least it was when I lived there. It weaves its way over and around mountains. Real mountains. Not the hills passed off as mountains in the Appalachians. As you can see by the map, that 500 miles is not as the crow flies. Unless he is a crow with a very poor GPS.

The most hazardous stretch of Highway 95 was the 10-mile stretch dropping into the town of Lewiston driving south from Moscow. And dropping is the operative word here. It dropped 2,000 feet and included 64 turns. Many of these turns were hairpin curves with a surely fatal drop should a driver fail to negotiate one. Dale Earnhardt wouldn’t have exceeded 30 mph for much of the ride. Couple the dangerous road with the fact that snow and ice add an infinite degree of difficulty through the winter months as well as the probability of meeting an out-of-control logging truck on a narrow switchback.

There was a weekly extravaganza witnessed by the citizens below as headlights disappeared only to reappear in places there was no pavement. There were unrecoverable vehicle carcasses of failed attempts littering the valley below as well as sections of guardrail missing or severely disfigured marking departure points of those “getting air.” Though there were many other curvaceous stretches of US Highway 95, none could match the Lewiston Hill. I do not have numbers to support this claim but I am fairly certain there were more fatalities on this stretch of highway than the rest of Idaho’s portion of US Highway 95 combined.


I have been down that grade as a passenger of many school busses piloted by white-knuckled drivers and cars driven by chemically enhanced college students.

And your reward for making it to Lewiston was to be greeted by the foulest stench you can imagine from the pulp mill that was located there. I am fairly certain the EPA has probably curtailed that operation due to the pollutants.

The Lewiston Hill road was replaced with a straighter, much more user friendly highway in 1979. An extravagant gesture by a state that spends so little on highways that the only time potholes are filled is by ice in the winter months. I have only been down it a few times since then, but it is not nearly as exciting. Last I heard, the old road was still open for bicyclists and brain-dead tourists coming to Idaho to see potatoes.

the wild rover.

Rover 6 - The Movie (2005)
Dir: Unknown (a Lookinghouse/MTRU Production).
Cast: The people of Westham and Pevensy.

Filmed on location in and around the beautiful countryside (and B roads) of Westham and Pevensy and featuring Dogma-esque performances from local residents, Rover 6 - The Movie is a piece of pure guerrilla film-making gold.

Purporting as it does to showcase the late, lamented Rover 6 community bus scheme this short infomercial manages to uncover the almost Lynchian depths of perversity and secrets hidden behind the net curtains of this small British Parish.

A local route for local people.

From the pearl necklaced grandmother mysteriously wanting to visit the local council offices on a Saturday (whilst trying to convince the transport booker that she's really going to Waitros) to the un-named 'limping fat man' via the almost Crippenesque 'Chairman of Local Transport Group' the unsettling footage of the local residents is intercut with scenes of the sinister dark blue Rover itself smoothly stalking the backroads to a country soundtrack.

Your grannies cum face.

Like a giant metal angel of death the Rover at one point narrowly misses a cycling child before stopping to allow a family to sacrifice a wheelchair bound elderly relative to the maw of the wheeled beast, it's cold, emotionless handler (or 'driver') always hidden in shadow save his dead cold eyes inadvertently turn the unwary passengers to stone.

The Pevensy death machine senses another victim.

The narration, by a faceless old lady in a curt, emotionless style reminiscent of Sheila Kieth in House of Whipcord takes on a sickeningly voyeuristic edge when married to footage of innocent school girls enjoying ice cream on the promenade or shots of the unsettlingly plain women reading a timetable as two badly behaved puppies fight inside her blouse. It's almost as if the unseen narrator has been following their every moment, knowing when their lives will be cruelly cut short and is preparing to relish the moment before devouring their souls.

Forever.

Dirty pillows.

As the twangy guitars build to a crescendo the movie takes an unexpected turn, leaving the multitude of shots from the drivers eye view of the road and unending footage of strange shaped families waiting at makeshift bus stops in deserted country lanes and council estates to showcasing the town centre and beach front even going as far as to show a man serving muffins and a lonely housewife aimlessly wandering around a deserted supermarket. Special mention is made of the monthly 'farmers market' where specialty meats can be found.

And if that's not an admission of cannibalism I don't know what is.

She looks like she enjoys
specialty meat inside her.

The voice also informs us that seeing as Rover runs till 11.30 PM on Saturdays that we have no excuse for not visiting the local theatre or for not enjoying a 'slap up' meal with friends. A special mention is made of those that enjoy 'a few drinks' when out, whilst the camera lingers on the oppressive exterior of the health centre.

The bearded woman and her friend may look
happy now but just wait till the fucking starts.

The story has a sad ending tho' as in early 2008 East Sussex County Council and the Westham & Pevensey Local Transport Partnership, working closely with the sinister 'Cuckmere Community Bus Group' decided (for reasons unknown) to replace the Rover with a volunteer run community bus link.

Lambert: Naked and piss stained.

The missing persons files on those poor souls who simply vanished after boarding the Rover disappeared and Marjorie Lambert (of the local transport group that created the Rover programme) was found dead six weeks later in a local brothel alongside her Filipino houseboy Ramon.

Both were naked.

The last day of the Rover 6 service was on Saturday 9 February 2008. The Rover may be no more but it's legacy of sorrow will continue for years to come.

Thai Sexy Actress: Natt Chanapa

Chaichalermpol is a Thai actress who has acted under a number of stage names, particularly Nong Natt (น้องแนท) and Natt Chanapa. Her particular infamy surrounds hardcore videos released outside Thailand and brought into the mainland. These videos led to her arrest and prosecution by the Thai government. In 2007, her hardcore video spread in the Philippines via the internet and cellphone videos. Natt Chanapa as she is known in the Philippines has a very close resemblance to Angel Locsin, a leading showbiz actress and endorser in the Philippines. It was later proven that the woman in the video was indeed Chanapa.

Profile

Name: Natt Chanapa
Birth name: Kesarin Chaichalermpol
Date of birth: May 12, 1979
Place of birth: Thailand
Measurements: 37D-23-32 (in)
Height: 1.63 cm
Weight: 50 kg
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Black

Thursday 13 - Memories - 5/29/08

Thirteen memorable things I have done that did not cost money:

1. Seen the Northern Lights
2. Watched a Tornado
3. Seen a Total Eclipse
4. Watched a Night Space Shuttle Launch From the Beach
5. Slept Under the Stars
6. Floated the North Fork of the Coeurd’Alene River on inner tubes
7. Seen the Grand Canyon
8. Worked in a mine
9. Walked on Normandy Beach
10. Watched the sunrise in the “Land of the Rising Sun”
11. Lived in 6 Countries
12. Pitched 3 No-Hitters
13. Helped Evacuate Refugees at end of Vietnam war

Wordless Wednesday - Holding the Sun - 5/28/08

Priyanka Chopra - Hot and sexy pictures

Priyanka Chopra is one of the hottest and most popular blooywood actress at present. The former Miss world has established her name as one of the most sexy actresses in bollywood. Her senserous roles in many films makes her more and more popular. Here are some of the hot photos of Bollywood Actress Priyanka Chopra.

This beautiful bollywood actress, Priyanka Chopra is the heights of her career at present. She has in hand many movies and recently acted in many hit bollywood films.

Amisha Patel - Revamped!

Apparently Amisha is looking wow in a glamorous new avtaar in her new flick, Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic. More than her look, there’s plenty of skin show, but no one is complaining because the actress has worked on her body and is looking very hot and happening. In fact, we hear that with this film, she is planning to revamp her onscreen image from a girl next door to a sexy siren.

Yuka Sawachi sexy idol in new Ultraman movie

Fans of older gravure idol, 33 year old Yuka Sawachi ( Yuuka Sawachi) 沢地優佳 さわち ゆうか will be disappointed that she hasn’t released an bikini DVD in over a year. She did however recently appear in her first movie Ike! Rainbow Kamen Tai Homeless Kaijin Gundan 行け! レインボー仮面対ホームレス怪人軍団 a movie with Ultraman Tiga ウルトラマンティガ, (from the Rainbow kamen theatre version) co starring with Fumina Hara, Atsuko Ookura and Otaki Aikitoshi.

Let’s hope Yuka goes back to doing bikini videos soon!

Sakura Mizutani race queen and gravure idol

Sakura Mizutani 水谷さくら is a pretty 25 year old race queen and gravure idol from Hyogo prefecture who since 1991 has done 9 DVD’s and 4 photo books. From 2005, she has focused on being mostly a race queen supporting the A&S Racing team and her last DVD was released last December Super Race Queen Premium 2007. Sakura Mizutani is also one of the hosts on Kansai radio show Burora Sakura On Air さくらのブロラジ and has her on mail order flower arranging business.

AKB48 girls sing Bingo on Japanese Game Show

Young girls Jpop group AKB48 appeared on a Japanese TV variety show where they played games and sang Bingo, their 6th single from July last year. This was the first AKB48 single to feature girls from all three teams (A, B and K teams). BINGO was used as the opening theme to the TBS anime Fight Tension☆School

don't try this at home...

...oh, go on then....

Aamir Khan -Bollywood’s best actor ???

And when Aamir Khan’s nephew Imran makes this statement, you can have no doubts as to who he is referring to…

Imran Khan is taller at 5′11, and he’s got a leaner, softer and dreamier look. Whereas Aamir Khan, his famous uncle, well if you’ve seen him lately, gives every indication of going the Mike Tyson way.

He’s raw energy and all chunky, rippling muscle; very intense, yet without Iron Mike’s crazy killer expression.

But Aamir has got into the skin of a role. He’s in character for his new action film Ghajini.

And as nephew Imran, a keen follower of the Aamir Khan method of acting, puts it, “Maamu doesn’t act, he understands the character, gets a grasp on what he’s supposed to do, and then just flows.”

Aamir has produced Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na, but he’s not acting in it, and nor is he launching Imran.

“If I wanted to present Imran with anything, I’d give him a car, not a film,” says Aamir with a touch of exasperation.

But, yes, Aamir is very interested in how Imran’s role is shaping up.

He was generous enough to share Imran’s first photograph with his fans on his blog recently. Till then, nobody outside Bollywood had seen his nephew.

Taiwan Beautiful Singer: Evonne Hsu Hui Xin

Thanks for support, for more detail and photos about Evonne Hsu Hui Xin 许慧欣. Please visit our new website. Please click here: http://asianhotbeauty.com

Jackie Chan - is planning to make a Film ???

Movie action man Jackie Chan is planning to make a film about last week’s devastating Chinese earthquake, which left almost 60,000 dead and more than five million homeless.
The 7.9-magnitude quake stunned the world and now Chan wants to do everything he can to help the shellshocked survivors - and that involves making a film about their plight.

The Rush Hour star, who is an icon in China, is planning a meeting with the country’s leading studio bosses and film financiers to discuss his movie plans.

He says, “There are so many touching stories (and) through this movie, we will be able to show the whole world what happened. This will also be another way to raise money.”

Chan also plans to raise money through benefits for the victims and their families.

He tells America’s People magazine, “I can spend six years doing a movie, but I can plan an event in 72 hours. An event we’re doing on June 1 in Hong Kong will include more than 100 artists from Asia.”

Chan has already visited hospitals, schools and the ruins of streets of houses in the areas worst hit by the earthquake, and he has already donated more than GBP500,000 to the relief effort.

Ehra Madrigal : FHM Philippines June 2008 cover girl

Sexy Filipino actress Ehra Madrigal will grace up the Philippine premier men's magazine FHM, in second time around.



She will be the June 2008 issue cover girl of the said men's mag, knowing that Ehra already covered this print articles way back September 2006.

Yasmien Kurdi "Babangon Ako't Dudurugin Kita"

Young Pinay celebrity Yasmien Kurdi feels so happy that “Babangon Ako't Dudurugin Kita” was seen as the most intelligent Kapuso TV-series. Lot’s of pinay celebrity fans wish to extend the said series that approaching to an end; and here is what Yasmien said:

"Hindi na po talaga puwedeng i-extend kahit mataas ang rating. As in, nagulat po kaming talaga sa rating lalo na noong lumabas na ako as Salve at kinawawa na niya sina Via at Alfred. Pati yung Joaquin Bordado, nataasan din niya sa rating, which is, hindi po talaga namin ine-expect. Kaya ang saya pong talaga, pero yun nga lang po, hindi na po talaga puwedeng i-extend pa." actress said

Marian Rivera Scandal Video in Youtube

It was been aired in ABS-CBN Entertainment News that young Filipino actress Marian Rivera had a scandal video on youtube, see the video after this jump:



Marian also clear this issue by giving out her statement on Philippine Entertainment Portal with regards to this "Pagmumura at Pagwawala sa shooting ng Dyesebel".

"Ganito yun," simula niya. "Nasa set kami sa Subic. Alam ng lahat na bawal ang mag-video lalo na kung hindi pa umeere ang episode. Nakita ko siyang [yung lalake sa YouTube] kumukuha ng video at biniro ko ng ‘Kuya, nagbi-video kayo, bawal ‘yan.' Ang sagot ba naman, ‘Bakit, ikaw ba ang bini-video ko?' Pakialam ko raw. Pabalang ang sagot at nagulat ako, nagkasagutan kaming dalawa.

"Tinanong ko kung staff siya. Taga-processing daw siya. Nagulat ako, bakit ganun ang reaction niya sa akin. Kahit payat at maliit ako, hindi ako papayag apihin. Caviteña ako, lalaban ako! Walang nang-aapi sa akin!" Filipino actress said.

ME AND OBAMA'S MAMA

The other night I was talking with a friend about what we'd like to do if we weren't writers. There isn't much. I love what I do.

But I did mention that I used to know someone in Indonesia who had the greatest job that I ever heard of.

I met Ann Sutoro when I was working for Asian Business magazine and interviewing people for a cover story on what the private sector can do to help alleviate poverty. She was an economic anthropologist working for Bank Rakyat Indonesia, the rural development bank of the country. She was in charge of the bank's microfinance program.

From her office in Jakarta, Ann would pick out an impoverished village somewhere in the country. She'd travel there, spend several weeks getting to know the place, getting to know the movers and shakers in the village, who had the brightest entrepreneurial spirit, the best ideas. About 95% of the time the people she came up with were women. Then she'd go back to Jakarta and write up a report.

Loaning this woman US$70 would enable her to get a small refrigerator for her food stall, and among other things she could then stock medicine for curing river blindness in kids. Another woman could use 40 bucks to buy some equipment to better husk rice, so there'd be less waste and she could build up her business. For 65, yet another woman could get a second loom for weaving cloth and expand her business. It was all little loans, but it meant big improvements in the lives of whole villages. (And the default rates on the loans was much lower than it was on the big loans other banks made to corporations or wealthy individuals.)

Ann would write up her report, get the money from the bank, then return to the village to dispense the loans. She got to play fairy godmother to hundreds, maybe thousands of people. And best of all it wasn't charity. She was simply helping them to help themselves.

I liked her, a lot, the moment I met her. We became friendly and for several years, whenever I was in Jakarta I'd give her a call. We'd have a drink, a meal, hang out talking in her beautiful house in Jakarta. She had a great, quirky, sense of humor, was kind and decent to a fault and was just plain whip smart, one of the sharpest people I've ever known. I envied her her job, admired her tremendously and always looked forward to seeing her.

She died of cancer in 1995 and it was a tremendous loss. I've thought of her often over the years. Whenever the subject of great things to do with one's life comes up, I always trot out the story of Ann Sutoro. Because of her, if I ever went back to school, it would be to study economic anthropology. (Easy to say, though, not much real risk of that.)

Today, I was trying to think up a subject for this blog entry and I was thinking about my conversation of the other night. I thought I'd write about a few of the world's best jobs, so Ann immediately popped into my head. Just for the hell of it, I googled her, not really expecting to find much, if anything. What I found out is that she was Barack Obama's mother.

There's much that I like and admire about Obama. But, as with all politicians, there is also much about him that makes me suspicious and nervous. But I do know one thing for sure. He comes from a very good family. At least on his mother's side.

crucifixes, custard and sweet, sweet lady pie.

Jesus vs. The Messiah (2007)
Dir: Alan Ronald.
Cast: Simon Phillips, Gemma Deerfield, Alistair Rodger, Alan's dad, John Lavelle, Debbie Attwell and Danny Idollor Junior.

Beards, blondes and big black men in
hats: the future of British cinema?
Quite possibly.

In a nameless and nasty nicotine and piss stained pub in deepest, darkest Paisley (former murder capital of Europe and birthplace of David Tennant) an obese, potato headed mad bastard (Rodger- playing the role with relish and a bizarre line in American style dialogue) is getting his jollies by forcing scrawny Scotsmen to join him in rowdy drinking contests (the Karaoke machine is out of order no doubt).

After drinking what seems like the entire cast of River City under the table he decides to try his smooth (well, wobbly and sweaty moves really) on the short skirted and terrifyingly toothsome bit of 'lady pie' (Deerfield) waiting patiently on her drink at the bar.

His offer of a slap up meal, a great time and some fun afterwards is (quite sensibly) rebuffed by the young lady, making the man's comedy pumpkin sized head go red with anger (and frighteningly get even more sweaty), the situation isn't helped any when the frowning bearded fella (Phillips) sitting at the other end of the bar decides it'd be a grand idea to lecture the loopy lard arse on the etiquette and how-do's of talking to ladies.

A nice piece of ladypie
yesterday (sans custard).

Taking the advice badly (you're surprised?) the helpful stranger is rewarded by being forcibly sat down in the corner of the pub whilst Mr. creosote's ratty henchmen force tumblers of what looks like evil syrupy fat man sweat down his throat.

Frowning slightly more (and tutting loudly in a kinda annoyed supply teacher kinda way) beardy boy nevertheless manages to out drink Tubbs who unceremoniously deposits his lunch everywhere before collapsing like a punctured bouncy castle at a kids party with an ear deafening crash. It's only a matter of time tho' before Mr. Beard himself is also munching the rug (so to speak).

After later finding himself sprawled out in the back of the womans car, our furry chinned chum introduces himself as one Mr. Jesus but prefers to be addressed as Jay (as one would I suppose).

The girl (whom we now know to be called Sally) replies with the helpful line “You must have had some fucked-up parents”.

Riker and Troi: The Pikey years.

Realising that it's not everyday you have the son of God in the back of your motor (and the fact that she's bored with living in her car) Sally agrees to spend the night on Jays sofa (well, it is a very nice sofa) which is lucky because the next morning Jay finds his wallet has been stolen and our mini-skirted pal knows exactly who nicked it (her deduction skills are amazing, almost as if she's really an undercover journalist who's been posing as a prostitute, or is it the other way round?)

Yup bad Mr. bouncy belly in the pub has taken it and Sally is determined to retrieve it (maybe Jay's wallet holds the whereabouts of the Ark of The Covenant or at the very least a huge amount of Sainsburys Active Kids vouchers).

Returning to the by now deserted (yet still piss stained) pub our equestrian heroine literally bumps into a big scary black guy (he's so big he's probably mistaken for a wall or something), built like Ben Grimm and decked in a cowboy hat, leather overcoat plus a casual shirt and tie combo and comfortably worn trainers (the frankly fantastic - and fantastically monikered - Idollor Junior), this brutish behemoth of a bloke (who, by a matter of simple elimination must be 'The Messiah') has some unfinished business with Jay (and his beard) and will stop at nothing to find him.

"Where's mah washboard mutha fucka?"

Luckily for the big guy, Jay has decided he fancies a wee bit of this action hero lark too and turns up at the bar to help Sally (well it is his wallet) but on arrival is mildly surprised (well he stops frowning for a second or two) to see her being held hostage by Mr. Messiah.

Rushing in where Angels (but not sons of God obviously) fear to tread, Jay makes a complete arse of the rescue attempt and in turn has to be saved from certain something by Sally who, distracting The Messiah with her pearly whites beats him around the head and drags Jay out of the pub and to a local cafe (well it's hungry work this Saviour lark).

Big gun or faraway lady?

Chatting away over a mug of sugary tea and a full Scottish (£2.95 - available all day) Jay and Sally decide that, due to him being the son of God and her having a shady past) it's probably for the best if they leave Paisley (but to be honest you'd be as well leaving if you weren't being chased by a big nutter with a western fetish on account of it being utter shite) and run for the hills....

"I love you....could it be magic?"

But the mighty Messiah is hot on their tails and the big planks of 4 by 2 hardboard that he's carrying around with him aren't to build Jay a new shed.....


In a world where every low budget genre flick is hailed as the next big thing, released in a blaze of internet fury only to ultimately disappoint, Alan Ronald's JVM is like a reassuringly fresh Glade Breeze cutting thru' the stagnant stench of failure left behind by such British movies as Razor Blade Smile (Eileen Daly in a squeaky rubber cat suit shagging ladies...how did that go so hideously wrong?), Cradle of Fear (Eileen Daly having sex with a one legged man and an evil Brummie dwarf running a snuff website....why was it so shite?) to the more recent Outpost (Nazi zombies and Ray Stevenson's bandy legs and hovering accent anyone?) and, whilst no cinematic classic (tho' I'm pretty sure it's not meant to be) Ronald's film is a ball-busting, in yer face slice of no budget movie-making.

Behind it's controversy courting title and popcorn trappings is a simple tale of an incestuous love between two long separated brothers each craving the love of their father. The character of Sally is superfluous to this, ultimately unable to make a difference to events started 2ooo years ago. The relationship between the leads is best encapsulated early on in the film when Jay and Sally are chatting in the cafe. Both are seen to look longingly at the waitress (Attwell), Jay for a love he can never experience and Sally as a memory of some long forgotten tryst.

Their lives are meandering and meaningless, full of secrets and lies. The only character with true motivation and beliefs is the Messiah, less a supernatural force of nature but more a simple, honest and secret-less man.

Or maybe it's just about a couple of care in the community types wanting to kick the crap out of each other.

"I'd buy that for Idollor!"

With less to spend than a tiny school on its annual nativity play and a crew of just five people (two of which I've heard were eight year old boys kidnapped and sold into slavery by the director), it's surprising how good JVM looks. Ronald has a real eye (just the one tho...the other he plucked out to gain his unnatural power over women) for composition, giving the harsh, windswept scenery of Argyll a haunting beauty. His use of the widescreen image in general is second to none, each image perfectly framed, almost as if the characters are trapped within, unable to escape their fates.

The cast and crew celebrate
the fact that Alan
remembered to make the sandwiches.

On the acting side most of the (non) professional cast are competent, believable and entertaining to watch, with only a couple of the (professional) leads letting the side down somewhat. As Jay, Phillips appears to have decided that the best way to show the pressures and pain of being the son of God running from an inescapable destiny as frowning a lot (albeit sometimes open mouthed and sometimes with his lips shut tight), you can almost hear the muscles whirring and the cogs clicking as his brow gets more and more furrowed as the film progresses and Deerfield lacks the maturity to portray such a world wisely and damaged figure as Sally, coming across as more likely to have her dad buy her a holiday home in Antigua rather than someone forced to live in a car.

"Lipstick in (and around) mah mooth!"

But luckily the casting of Idollor more than makes up for his co-performers weaknesses, taking what could have been a cliched bogey man and imbuing the Messiah with a sense of humour, irony and most importantly a believability sadly lacking from his on screen nemesis.

Lighting up every scene he's in it's almost as if Ronald has found his equivalent to the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp double act and long may they work together.

A director this technically adept so early in his career is obviously one to watch and, if he can find a co-writer able to match his frankly bonkers idea pitches with a choice line in witty dialogue and character development (this one is available by the way) then I predict (in a slightly less campy Criswell way) that the oft-mooted Zombie and B. will be one to watch.

Let's just hope there's a part in it for the sweaty fat man.