Homophobe or just straight? - 10/12/2010

Yesterday, some moron called me a homophobe. So today, I have decided to create a post designed to separate the men from the boys, so to speak. I am going to explore gayness. Well, that was a bad choice of words. I am going to discuss male homosexuality. I do not claim to be an authority on this subject as everything I know about the gay lifestyle I learned by watching “Will and Grace,” American Idol, and The Winter Olympics.

The observations I make here are my own opinions and if you disagree, I don’t really care. The first comment I feel inclined to make is that I don’t think being gay is a choice. I think life is hard enough without choosing to complicate it in such a manner. I have seen elementary aged children that I took one look at and my GAYDAR went full scale. You have too. I have observed a man walking into a room and PING. They did not practice walking that way or talking that way.

I have nothing against gay people. I think that homophobic people are those that are not certain of their own sexuality. And those that try to quote some ridiculous Bible references are grabbing at straws. Those same verses condemn masturbation and eating shellfish. I will see you all in hell. That being said, I don’t think it is necessary to flaunt gayness by parading down 42nd Street, making out in Speedos. That would not be appropriate for heteros either, but I would be more likely to tune in. I believe everyone should be proud of who they are, but they don’t have to make everything into a broadway show.


Gay marriage is a huge political football. Though I think this issue is based more on economics than on love and marriage. Having paid my taxes as a single person for many years, I can understand the motivation for wanting to be able to file jointly. I have never understood why single people should bear more of the tax burden than those that can’t control their procreation. I am penalized for keeping my DNA to myself. I have considered marrying a woman I don't even like just so I can file a joint return. Families use more of the services of our infrastructure and should pay more taxes. But that is another blog.

I say, let them marry. Why should they be exempt from the “joys” of marriage? I can assure you that they would soon change the name of their lifestyle to something other than gay. Relationships are easy until you have a mortgage and a home to jointly keep up. You see how I used joint there?

As to whether gays should be allowed to teach our children, I don’t see why not. For some reason, it is vastly believed by the heterosexual community that all gay people just get in a big pile and randomly fornicate. I think that gay relationships are similar to straight associations, except the sexual roles are less strictly defined. I don’t know for sure if there are designated pitchers and catchers or if there are utility players. Excuse that baseball metaphor, as every event in my life can be summed up in either a sports or a Seinfeld allegory. I don't think one's sexual orientation affects their ability to try to teach Algebra to a class of dunderheads.

The big issue now is the military policy of "don't ask, don't tell." I served 20 years and worked with several outwardly gay people. I never noticed that it affected their job performance. I was under the impression that in the Navy they had been asking and telling forever. I will tell you this: if a person wants to serve my country, and possibly die for it, I do not care if their sexual preference is farm animals.

The gay people that I have known (not in the Biblical sense) have by and large been good people. There was a time when our local Ruby Tuesday’s wait staff was composed primarily of outwardly gay men, who only used their closet to store their wardrobe and countless pairs of shoes. Service was never better. I bought my BMW from an outwardly gay man and it was his gayness that sealed the deal. I am a disciple of the stereotype that gays take good care of their apparatus (sometimes I kill myself). I was correct. He had 10 years of service records, chronologically filed in a folder. This may not have been due to his gayness as much as his OCD.

As far as I know, none of my children are gay. The don’t ask, don’t tell, policy has always worked for us. But if they had been, it would not have changed the way I care for them, treat them, or love them. Yeah, I do prefer that they are not gay. So sue me. I am also glad they are not outlaw bikers, covered in tattoos and piercings, or are crack heads. I am sorry if I have now offended my crack head readers. I hate to be labeled as a crackaphobe too.

I love comedy. I LOL and sometimes LMFAO at jokes about gays, old people, handicapped people, rednecks, blacks, Mexicans, jewish people, lawyers, democrats, and particularly Arabs. To me, nothing and no one are taboo. So if my humor offends anyone’s delicate sensibility, I don’t really give a damn. "I'm here, I'm severe, get used to it." Please refer to the title of this blog before commenting.

I do want to thank the misguided soul that called me a homophobe for curing my writer's block and inspiring a blog post. It had been a while.

Delusional - 8/17/2010

I have watched American Idol fairly faithfully since its debut. Well, up until this past season when it seems America ran out of talent in the under 30 demographic. The only person I saw that even remotely impressed me was a strange and exotic looking girl who was eliminated fairly early, Siobhan Magnus. The contestant that got all the attention was Crystal Bowersox, a very unmarketable, one-dimensional singer, and her name was about the only thing interesting about her. I liked her until I realized that every song she sung was going to sound the same. I couldn’t even tell you who won; it was such a boring season. I think Simon realized that when he bailed, thus for all practical purposes, ended the show’s run at the top of the ratings heap.

Realizing that it is primarily 12-year old girls and middle-aged women that actually call in their votes, I have never been too concerned about who wins. Often the winners end up performing at shopping malls (that gray-haired guy that’s name no one can recall) and also-rans end up with fame and fortune (Daughtry). I am also very skeptical that actual votes are tallied and results are not just determined by the producers. Surprisingly, there is no independent third party validation to assure legitimacy. I am not a conspiracy theory guy, but they do seem to end up with at least one major surprise towards the end of each season.


But I don’t want to discuss that aspect of the show. During the first few weeks of every season, they air the auditions, where thousands of hopefuls are gathered in a handful of cities across the country. These episodes tend to be freak shows and train wrecks that I cannot look away from. Many of the contestants know they are just there for the fun of it, national exposure, and to see just how obnoxious they can be. They realize they have no talent and as much chance of being the next American Idol as Rush Limbaugh keynoting the Democratic National Convention.

What I wish to discuss here are those poor souls that believe they are talented but are every bit as bad as those trying to be bad. They are totally delusional and heartbreak and tears result when they are told by the Simon Cowell that "If you sung like this 2,000 years ago, people would've stoned you." These young people are devastated by the rejection. My thoughts are always, “don’t they have parents and friends that love them enough to tell them the truth?” I don’t believe in dashing kid’s dreams, but at some point reality has to set in and somebody who loves them has to say, "you sounded like you were being strangled," before Simon does it in front of 30 million viewers (not verified). I was blessed with three very talented kids, but if one of them would have said, "Dad, I think I am going to go on "So You Think You Can Dance," I would have very tactfully produced a video of them dancing and squashed that notion immediately. A parent knows. I always thought that maybe some of these sad-sacks were actors that were paid to add that element to the show.

That was until my return trip from Spokane last Tuesday when I met one of these psychoneurotic youth. This is his story:

He told me his name, but I forgot it immediately, as I do most everything people tell me that I have no interest in. But almost everything else he informed me about was worth my time and attention, if only for entertainment value. He was traveling to Austin, Texas from Spokane to audition for American Idol. While that was not a shocking thing, as thousands of other hopefuls were simultaneously converging on that Texas City. What caught my attention was how certain he was that he would not only continue on to Los Angeles as a finalist, but would eventually win the title. The audition process was merely a formality. He was 17, a rising senior in high school, and traveling alone for the first time in his life. He was obviously very anxious about flying and stuck to me in the gate area like failure adheres to the LA Clippers. I was relieved to find that our seat assignments were half a plane apart.

However, plane was delayed just long enough for him to relate much more of his story to me.

(Side note: The plane left a half-hour late but arrived in Denver on time. How does that happen? Do they lie about how long it takes to give them some leeway? Why don’t they fly that fast all the time?)

I knew immediatly that he was blogworthy.

He had already secured a four year “free ride” to the University of Texas to play baseball, football, and basketball. The greatest athlete in my lifetime was Bo Jackson and he only played two sports.

So you might imagine this kid as 6’6” 250 pounds of solid muscle. Well, I estimated him at 5’8” 180 pounds, with the muscle tone of Marilyn Manson. I am 57 years old and barely ambulatory and I guarantee that I could push him around a football field like one of those inflatable Santas in my neighbor’s yard every Christmas. He would look more at home at a Magic the Gathering tournament than any athletic field. When I inquired as to why he was wearing a Texas A&M jersey (rival of UT), he said, “they wanted me too, but I chose Texas because I am majoring in Culinary Arts and Crime Scene Investigation.“ Who could argue with that logic? Everyone knows that the University of Texas has the best culinary arts/crime scene investigation program in the country.

Still wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, I inquired as to his position on the Central Valley High School football squad. His reply was, “anywhere they need me.” Those of you that know my lack of ability to hold myself in check would have been very proud of my restraint. Though it raced to my tongue, I made no mention of Bobby Boucher. For those of you that are not football savvy, I can assure you that the University of Texas, one of the top football schools in the nation, does not give scholarships to a utility player unless he has mad size and skills that can be utilized throughout the program. His reply to a similar question about baseball was much the same, “catcher, pitcher, outfield, sometimes third base.“ Again, major colleges generally like their recruits to have a position. I am pretty sure that his position is “left out.”

Though I am not Dr. Paul Ekman, I have a pretty good feel for when someone is lying to me (except for women). I am certain that this young man believed everything he said. He could have passed a polygraph with flying colors. There was a certainty in his eyes that made me sad for him. I liked this kid. but will not be surprised if one day he is on a clock tower with a sniper rifle.

Before we parted, I asked if I could take his picture in case he won Idol and was famous. He said, “Sure, in fact a lot of people have already asked me for my autograph for when I win.” I did not listen to him sing, but I think he is very fortunate that Simon is no longer on the panel.

Ramiele Malubay - After American Idol !!!

After her days on American Idol, the 20-year-old Filipina is on a pursuit of a new start for her. Standing not even 5 feet tall, she bubbles with energy.

"I'm a kid at heart," Ramiele Malubay tells the Celebrity News Service. "Seriously, it's kinda sad - I'm 20, almost 21, and my TV's all Disney channel."

The stylish Filipino American sat down with CNS before the Ft. Lauderdale show at the BankAtlantic Center. The show is part of the "American Idols LIVE! Tour 2008," which brings together this year's top 10 "Idol" finalists on stage. Ramiele Malubay was excited to be so close to home for the show.

"I graduated in Bank Atlantic in '05," she tells CNS exclusively. She adds, "I got to see my mom yesterday, and I surprised her at work. I called her in the morning and she was like, 'Where are you?'And I'm like, 'Yeah, I'm in Georgia. I won't get to see you until tomorrow.' So I went to her work, and she was like, 'Oh my gosh,' and she just started freaking out and crying."

Ramiele Malubay has been away from home since being on tour since July 1st. She says the coolest thing about touring is just meeting the people they get to meet like there's some celebrities that come to the show.

"I liked LA because I got to talk to and meet Randy Jackson. It wasn't like, pre-nerves. He was just normal, like we were sitting and having a conversation."

Ramiele Malubay says the tour has also allowed her to bond with the other "Idol" finalists.

"I knew everybody "before", but I didn't get to really know them until the tour. This is like, living close quarters in a bus," she says, adding, "They're really cool. I have no regrets. We don't fight. We're like a group of sisters. The guys - I don't really hang out with them."

With the "Idol" tour wrapping up Sept. 13, Malubay has been looking to the future. "Three weeks left. Two and half. Girl, like a couple days," she tells CNS, laughing. "I just want to go home! I just want to go home and see my dog."

Also, the singer plans to return to the Philippines in December for the Ramiele Philippine Homecoming Concert. She hopes that sassy "Idol" semi-finalist Danny Noriega will join her.

"I'm trying to get him to come with me," she says. "It's gonna be in the Philippines, so he has a lot of fans over there. He's like, 'I don't speak your language," and I'm like, 'You don't need to. They still love you.'" Noriega caught attention earlier this year on "Idol" when he repeatedly talked back to Simon. "That boy can have his own show, talk to himself, and still get ratings," says Ramiele Malubay.

Malubay is also interested in joining the likes of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers on Disney.
"I'm trying to get in touch with Disney because I really wanted to work with them," she says. "It's just like singing and acting. I can do that, and I look really young. I would really love that. And they're really diverse on the Disney channel, culture-wise and everything, so I'd be really excited if they even called to pick me up."

Malubay adds that while she got attention for being on "Idol," it is still very difficult to break through in this business. "It sucks. I'm telling you, it sucks. It's hard. It's really hard. We'll see how far I get. Idol helps when you're on the show, but not really after."

Malubay says that if she does get a record deal, her album would be all about showing off her talent. "I'd probably do like, covers and try to write my own songs. But it'd be more like, showing off my voice, like belting and all that stuff. Something that'll showcase my voice."

In the meantime, Malubay says she may get the chance to do a duet with her own idol.
"It's supposedly in the works. I might get to do a duet with my idol in the Philippines, Regine Velasquez. She's like the reason I started singing. Her and the Spice Girls," she says. "Every girl loved the Spice Girls when she was younger. I still have those hits on my iPod.

Kristi Yamaguchi Wins ‘Dancing With the Stars’

Kristi Yamaguchi and her professional dance partner Mark Ballas are the winners of season six of Dancing With the Stars. Yamaguchi beat out Jason Taylor (dance partner Edyta Sliwinska) and Cristian de la Fuente (dance partner Cheryl Burke).

Kristie and Mark scored a perfect 90 out of 90 total for their final 3 dances over the past two nights. Yamaguchi won a gold medal in figure skating at the 1992 Albertville Winter Olympics.

Jason and Edyta scored a perfect 30 on their final dance for a 81 out of 90 over the course of Jason’s final three dances.

Pinoy Idol - List of Contestant ???

second episode of Pinoy Idol was aired April 12, Saturday. Among the people who auditioned in Visayas region, only 45 contestants got their golden ticket to Manila.

Here are the names of the 45 Visayas contestants who pass the audition:
1. Sachiko Suzuki, 16 years old from Iloilo City
2. Marianne Faye Derilo, 24 years old from Iloilo City
3. Mia Barbara Derilo, 21 years old from Iloilo City
4. April Joy Blanco, 16 years old from Roxas City
5. Katchry Jewel S. Golbin, 18 years old from Tapas, Capiz
6. Atlas Bjorg Borja
7. Kristoffer Rei Tragico
8. Joann Tecia
9. John Villasis
10. Ashera Jane Borda
11. Marianith Blancaver
12. Maria Johnna Dumalag
13. Melody Grace Tupaz
14. Keith Ian Pareja
15. Paolo Dio Maghari
16. Floricel Ledesma
17. George Michael Bautista
18. Sue Ellen and Genevieve Cublin
19. Ron Trompeta
20. Rhegie Galpo
21. Ryan Estrada
22. Emibelle Grace Capalla
23. Kimberly Grace Fernandez
24. Hannah Joy P. Wenceslao, 16 years old from Leyte
25. Frances Lourdes Villanueva, 20 years old from Cebu City
26. Herbert Garsola, 26 years old from Cebu
27. Lester de Guzman, 27 years old from Cebu City
28. Madriza Altobar, 21 years old from Cebu City
29. Carmela Alonsabe, 28 years old from Cebu City
30. Lady Michelle Arizabal
31. Maria Ingrid Barbiera
32. David Israel Sy
33. Zandra Tan
34. Glyde Ababa
35. Wilson Mendez, Jr.
36. Hannah Joy Wenceslao
37. Sandy Rhey Gomez
38. Melecia Carciller
39. Maricel Suaring
40. Davey Ross Musong
41. Maricel Ramos
42. Jefferson Gayo
43. Rainier Berol
44. Joshua Rey Calingasan

Thursday Thirteen - American Idol Rejects - 3/6/08

These are thirteen of my all-time favorite singers who would have never made it past the auditions of American Idol. They are in no particular order.

1)Neil Young

2)Eddie Vedder

3)John Lennon

4)Tom Petty

5)Bruce Springsteen

6)Mick Jagger

7)Billy Joel

8)Joe Cocker

9)Garth Brooks

10) Toby Keith

11)Roger Daltrey

12)Robert Plant

13)Bob Seger


I can hear Simon now, “Eddie, I have no idea what that was. I didn't understand a word of it.” “Mick, your facial expressions scare me” “Joe, what is wrong with you, you flail around like a spastic” "John, your vocals are good enough, but no one will remember you" "Garth, I seriously doubt you would have any commercial appeal" Or Randy would observe: “Neil, you had some pitch problems Dawg.”

55 Flash Fiction Friday - 2/15/08

This is a challenge that requires you to write a story using only 55 words. It is harder than it sounds. http://55flashfictionfriday.blogspot.com/2008_02_10_archive.html

Encouraged by his family, he found himself standing exposed and vulnerable. Eight hours waiting among the hoards of hopefuls. It was his turn. The first notes had barely sprung from the Sahara of his mouth when Simon exclaimed, “dreadful.” Randy said, “not good dawg.” Paula was passed out. He took that also as a no.